When YOU’RE The Toxic Person In Your Life…(And How To Change It)

You’ve probably heard that you need to cut the toxic people out of your life, and while that’s a wise practice if you want to create abundance and happiness around you, the person you might want to look at first is YOU.

Because maybe the most toxic person in your life is yourself.

I know all about this because that was me a few years ago. Everything was someone else’s fault. There was so much gossip, angst, and negativity in my life and I didn’t know why I was attracting all that drama.

It took quite the dose of reality to realize that it wasn’t my job, my co-workers, bad luck, my circumstances or the universe that made me unhappy; it was ME.

I was the one causing the unnecessary conflict and drama. It was a hard pill to swallow.

But like G.I. Joe says, “knowing is half the battle.” Though recognizing it was difficult, doing something about it was even more so because cutting MYSELF out of my life was not possible. But it did require cutting. Cutting those parts that were bitter, angry, passive aggressive, complain-y, negative, judgemental, TOXIC, was not easy by any means, but it needed to be done.

Getting rid of the toxic parts of me required a constant state of self-introspection and forcing myself to change. Here are five things I did (and am still doing) to change from being toxic and unhappy to someone who is inspiring and uplifting to those around me.

1. Admit That The Problem Is YOU

Identify the behaviors in yourself that are not serving you and begin the hard work to eliminate them. To do this, you have to shift your entire mindset inward. Immerse yourself in self-improvement activities: reading self-improvement books, listening to podcasts,  and constantly being on guard against your own toxic thoughts and behaviors.

Part of that could very well be cutting out the toxic people you’ve surrounded yourself with as well. Misery loves company and all that.

2. Stop Being Passive Aggressive

Stop mumbling, grumbling, and putting up obscure Facebook posts targeted at some unnamed person you have a beef against. If you need to have a difficult conversation with someone, do it. Say what you are feeling, honestly and without malicious intent instead of whispering about it to everyone else or complaining about it to anyone who will listen.

3. Take Responsibility For Your Problems

No, the universe is not against you. Stop pointing the fingers at your boss, your spouse, your kids, your parents. No more victim stories, excuses and blaming other people, circumstances, or life. If you want to be successful, take 100% responsibility for your life.

{A great book on this is The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, by Jack Canfield. I highly recommend it.}

4. Stop Being Negative

Break those negative thought habits. The best way I’ve found to do this is to practice GRATITUDE. Focus on what you have in your life and not what you don’t have. No more feeling guilty, seek to be kinder, surround yourself with positive people, let go and forgive. As with all things worth having in life, it’s easier said than done, but don’t use that as an excuse. Keep your mind in check at all times and stop it when it wants to jump on the negativity train.

5. Stop Complaining

One question I always ask my 11-year-old when she starts complaining is, “Are you just stating the problem or are you going to come up with a solution?” When you hear yourself complaining, ask yourself the same thing, “What’s the solution?” Complaining just leads to anger, which leads to bitterness, which leads to drama. All toxic and none of which you want in your life.

Not being a toxic person is a NEVERENDING endeavor. I’m still constantly working on all of these things, sometimes on a minute-by-minute basis. It’s not easy, but if you want to continue to move forward instead of stay stagnant, it might be time for a reality check.